Last Goodbye

Everything has been happening so fast. I know that we've known for months that we would be moving. It was inevitable when we put our home on the market in May that things were going to change. Strangely enough, I managed to avoid believing that we were actually going to move.

I probably should have a big stamp marked on my forehead: "DENIAL".

Maybe it didn't help things that my house wasn't physically packed until the day before we moved. Hey, I'm not complaining here! What a great blessing it was to not have to pack my house. A friend said to me that we were probably being blessed for all the moves that Clark helped with. Sometimes I secretly wondered if Clark was operating a moving business on the side. It seemed that every Saturday he had to be gone to help someone move.

Wednesday and Thursday of last week were a blur to me. I can't even begin to express my deepest gratitude to those wonderful friends who helped out (and even to those great people who offered to help but I turned down; I'm very bad that way). I wish there were a proper way to express all that I feel towards the great people we associated with in Madison. They truly became family to us. Such warm, loving, thoughtful, and funny people. I'm at such a loss for words to express all that I wish I could express about our wonderful 5 years spent in Madison, Wisconsin.

I think one of the hardest things for me was seeing our home empty. I had spent the morning at the house cleaning with the help of a great friend. [Sandy is awesome - she even cleaned my toilets which I'm so embarrassed about. Thanks so much to Jamie for being willing to take on my two little active boys.] I was the last one to see our house. Walking through the empty rooms was so strange. I could picture so many wonderful memories there. Seeing Jaron's empty room did me in. I had managed to hold it together thus far but when I saw my exuberant little boy's room empty of everything - his messy bed, toys, my crazy letters on the wall - I just couldn't stop crying.

Russell and Jaron watching Daddy leave for work. This is such a bittersweet picture for me. The boys loved watching Clark leave for work.
One of the last days in our Madison home.

I know that in truth, it is just a home. A building. A structure. But to me, well, it was just more than that. And more than just the home, but the place that we lived and the people we met that touched and changed our lives. That house, well it was just a piece of junk when we bought it. I remember finding it and telling Clark over the phone that it had lots of great potential. Just cosmetic issues! No clue what we were getting into.

We learned a lot. About home improvement. About ourselves. About each other. About our relationship. And as that house changed little by little, so did we. And we added to that home as we added to our little two person family. I know that I'm not losing any of those things. It all comes with me. It didn't need to be packed into boxes and loaded onto a truck. But sometimes, memories just don't seem to be enough.

I don't think I will ever truly say goodbye to Madison.