Highs and Lows

Let's be realistic here; having four young children is joyfully hard! Although Clark and I feel like we've got the zone defense down pretty well (meaning we are ok handling more children we've got hands for) things are still pretty intensive.

Having a kindergartner struggling with anxiety issues, a regressing potty-trainer, a toddler with periodic tantrums if you do something like change her out of her pjs (thankfully few and far between) and a baby who comes with all the regular baby needs . . . well things are a bit crazy. And in the course of a few hours you can go from really low to really high emotionally. I know that your hormones go a little out of whack after having a baby, but I have to say, this is the first time I've felt this emotional. Maybe it has more to do with everything that is going on that with my hormones.

But today was a perfect example. Jaron was really upset about some things and I was contending with him, attempting to feed Russell and Eliza breakfast, cooking pancakes and hoping that Afton wouldn't suddenly decide she was hungry. After finagling 4 kids into the van, back out again and "walking" to school (sorry, national walk to school day is a bit of a joke!!) and then 3 back in and home again adds to the stress. Then stuck in the kitchen on the charging cell phone making a very discouraging phone call to a doctor while nursing a baby only to hear Russell desperately calling for me to help in him the bathroom. Well, by the time I got in there, what did a find? Poo, a big pile, on the floor next to the toilet. And gosh, that was just grossly the icing on the cake at that point.

What did I do?

Put my child in the tub and sobbed, sobbed, sobbed while I cleaned up the mess. And gosh did I ever feel better. Thirty minutes later found me laughing on the phone with a friend and shortly thereafter, thrilling at Afton's huge smiles and Eliza's giggles.

And that was only until 10 AM. Highs and lows.

Things can be tough. Often time very overwhelming and discouraging. There are days and moments that I think, "I can't do this." I find myself in those times consumed essentially with fear. However, I've been pondering this quote my mom read to me weeks ago.

"I'm taken back to the importance of knowing who you are. If I believe I am the daughter of the power that created the universe, I have more power than I will ever be able to use. Now, if I believe that, then I act in a certain way. Not in arrogance, but in certainty. If I believe that I came here to be challenged and refined, to grow and develop my talents, then I should internalize that. . . . I ask young women to remember the words of the Apostle Paul to Timothy: 'For God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind' (2 Timothy 1:7) If you have a spirit of fear, it didn't come from your Heavenly Father. You need to examine where it may have come from. If you're not in the appropriate frame of mind or if your behavior isn't what you want it to be, then you need to get on your knees and pour out your heart. " Catherine M. Stakes in Mormon Women

I realize in pondering this and Sister Beck's talk I need to be calling on, living worthy of, and acting on the power and direction given to me by my Heavenly Father to succeed in all that I have responsibility for. Even though we experience hard things, disappointment and discouragement I love that we are promised peace, joy and hope when we are successfully living the gospel.

I'm holding onto that as I experience life's highs and lows.